Jean Ralphio Quotes

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60 Best Jean Ralphio Quotes

Do you like to watch a comedy series? If your answer is yes, you may know Jean-Ralphio Saperstein. And you might be interested to know Jean Ralphio quotes. It’s Ben Schwartz. Yes, he played that Jean-Ralphio Saperstein character in the comedy series Park and Recreation. 

In that series, he speaks in slang language that sounds very funny.  Before start reading the Jean Ralphio quotes, learn more about Jean Ralphio from Wikipedia.

In this post, we are providing quotes from that stylish and comedy-based character Jean-Ralphio Saperstein.

Quotes by Jean Ralphio

I dagger you on the dance floor. Just bounce, bounce now all the ladies sayin’ bounce. What do you say, sexy?

I say we invest our 10 large and I ‘accidentally’ get run over by a city bus!

Technically, I’m homeless.

That’s too much responsibility. I gotta find a way out of this.

She’s the worst! She’s the worst in the world.

Wink! Rent A Swag! Where your swag is my business!

Jean Ralphio Quotes

Tom: Do you think there’s any chance your dad will give up?” Jean-Ralphio: “I doubt it, he never gives up on anything – except for my mom. When she turned thirty, he was like, ‘GET OOUT!'

Oh, yeah she’s my sister. My twin sister, from the same mister. Thank you so much for hiring Mona-Lisa. It means so much to me. Even though, honestly, she’s The wo-o-orst. She is the worst person in the world. Huge skank. Terrible. But thank you. It means a lot. Got to keep it in the family.

Aww, Snapple. Are we calling everybody “baby” now? ‘Cause honestly, I love that.

Why don’t you use that time to go after one of your passions. Like model trains, or toy Gandalfs or something.

Talk about Andy’s ex-girlfriends, quote from Love Actually, hold back your tears, pause…drop the microphone, get out of that bitch.

Tom: What about your trust fund? Jean Ralphio: My parents had it amended. I don’t get anything until I’m 50, which is a waste because I’m going to be a billionaire in Costa Rica by then. Eatin’ dolphin and hangin’ out with lady singers.

I made my money the old-fashioned way. I got run over by a Lexus!

Jean Ralphio Quotes

One time, I waited outside a woman’s house for five days just to show her how serious I was about wanting to drill her. Turns out, it was the wrong house. She loved the story anyway. We got to third base, over the pants.

Business partner now and forever. Hold up – Forever 21, 21 gun salute, Salute Your Shorts, Kaboosh! I just free associated all over the moo-stache.

No, no, no, Barney, c’mon. But you don’t have to be an accountant to know that this girl is a 10. Yo, what up, Diaz? Come here often?

Kuh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh bang! Which one floats your penis?

Flushed with CAAASH!

Why don’t you turn that frizzown upside-dizzity?

TOMMY T! You just missed the CRAZIEST of crazies. Clubs. Girls. Dancing. Naked—MOM?!?! Argument. Fleeing the scene. Hiding in a dumpster. Coming here. Crashing on your couch for a week ‘cause [sings] technically I’m homeless.

It’s like I always say, okay. When life gives you lemons you sell some of your grandma’s jewelry and you go clubbing.

I will create a tiny go-cart for your grandma.

Look at that. I guess sometimes I call men “beautiful” too. I guess I’m open-minded as hell. And I think you’re pretty good-looking.

I got a terminal case of get-me-to-the-front-of-the-line-at-Six-Flags!

I hope you brought a change of clothes, cuz your eyes are about to piss tears.

K to the N to the O P E, she’s the dopest little shorty in all Pawnee. Indiana.

Oh R to the O to the N, and then I say Swanson’s got swagger the size of Big Ben, clock.

B to the O to the double-S, do what he says and you’ll be success…ful.

Oh you could do better than that. I’m gonna help you out right now, your name is... Angelo. Angelo thank you so much for coming out. Get a thicker tie, it looks weird on you. It makes your head look like a fish. Secondly, I don’t know where the paperwork is, but when you find it can you take care of it for us? We don’t have any pens ’cause we’re afraid it’s gonna leak on our shirts. Well actually I hate the name Angelo I’m gonna switch it up for you right now. Your new nickname is… Jell-o shot. What do you think about that J-shot? Any questions?

When life gives you lemons, Jean Ralphio has some different advice.

He accepts when he has too much on his plate.

His investment strategies are prime.

Mona Lisa just has a way with her words.

Jean Ralphio's idea of a good time is a little different than most.

Everything about this moment from his word choice to his car to Donna's face.

Jean Ralphio Quotes

How to make the perfect marriage proposal.

A perfectly reasonable reaction for not being told that P. Diddy is now on the 'gram.

Anytime Jean Ralphio sings his words instead of says them.

Once again, word choice on point.

Mona Lisa also has a penchant for singing her words.

She also loves fire. A little too much.

When Mona Lisa takes cursing to a whole new level of spelling it out.

Are we calling everyone baby now? Because I like that, baby.

Jean Ralphio Quotes

I actually forgot they ever dated. I was trying to hit that.

Tom: Sometimes, you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot.

That was beautiful. That changed me.

I create a game show. Two people on stage. They flip a coin, right? One of them has to perform open heart surgery. The other one has to receive open heart surgery. We call it? 'Open Heart Surgery!

It’s always a treat to learn more about Ron’s industrious, ultra-masculine childhood. When Tom and Jean-Ralphio approach him to invest in their clothing rental start-up, Rent-a-Swag, he proudly, albeit reluctantly, reveals the secret to his financial security: “Ever since I got a job at the age of 9, I have been putting all my money into gold, which is currently at an all-time high. So I have a certain amount of money… I’ve said too much.

Ben spends the first third of the episode describing his parents the way you and I would describe a natural disaster, warnings which turn out to be correct when they show up and almost ruin the engagement party. But the real standout is when he tries to prep Leslie on some conversation topics: “They’re white people from Minnesota, so hockey, skiing, fishing, sailing, and after a few drinks, put on a Prince album. Don’t mention the Green Bay Packers or the state of Iowa.

It’s short, subtle, and so understated you might miss it — Ron and Steve return to the buffet at the same time, only to find that there is just one bacon-wrapped shrimp left. What follows is a ludicrous contest of iron wills and furrowed brows. Not a word is spoken, and the scene ends without further mention, but it’s such a well-placed moment that it deserves the top honor.

What up, Big Teeeeeee...stop. This must be the lovely Donna. Enchanté. Listen beautiful, let's cut the bull, alright? You want this. I definitely want this. T.H. wants this. Let's seal this devil's threeway right here, right now. Step one: We buy into this club. Step two: We roll over to the club, either in your Mercedes-Benz or my pre-owned Acura Legend. Step three: I dagger you on the dancefloor. Just bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, now all the ladies sayin', bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. What do you say, sexy?

One time I waited outside a woman’s house for five days just to show her how serious I was about wanting to drill her. Turns out, it was the wrong house. She loved the story anyway. We got to third base. Over the pants. Super cute.

{Jean-Ralpio: ‎'Why don't you live your life like that cow on the screen.'
Tom: 'That's a horse.'
Jean-Ralphio: 'Yeah because he followed his dream.'}

Yo B to the O to the double S, do what he say and you'll be success-ful o.

Why don’t you live your life like that cow did from the video?

Jean Ralphio Quotes

I hope you brought a change of clothes. Your eyes are about to piss tears.

Lemony Snicket. Oh, my God, are you serious? I’m gonna be an uncle? Is that a real thing? Is that gonna happen? No, no, that’s too much– too much responsibility for me. I gotta…I gotta find another way out of this.

For starters, access to the illest clubs. And that’s just for starters. I will work for you. I’ll be on you 24/7. I’ll be like your family. I’m here when you get here in the morning, sure enough, I’ll be there tucking you into bed at night. Don’t worry, it’s not gay. Do we have questions?

It wouldn’t be right to talk about last night’s episode without mentioning the Unity Quilt. As Leslie describes it, “Of all my metaphorical art projects, this is the coziest.” The Unity Quilt (replete with a small print of Leslie’s perennial celebrity crush, Joe Biden) became a running gag throughout the episode, primarily because Leslie is convinced that it will bring Ben’s parents together. She cites her track record as proof: