jean ralphio quotes

Jean Ralphio Quotes

Do you like to watch a comedy series? If your answer is yes, you may know Jean-Ralphio Saperstein. And you might be interested to know Jean Ralphio quotes. It’s Ben Schwartz. Yes, he played that Jean-Ralphio Saperstein character in the comedy series Park and Recreation. 

In that series, he speaks in slang language that sounds very funny.  Before start reading the Jean Ralphio quotes, learn more about Jean Ralphio from Wikipedia.

In this post, we are providing quotes from that stylish and comedy-based character Jean-Ralphio Saperstein.

Quotes by Jean Ralphio

I say we invest our 10 large and I ‘accidentally’ get run over by a city bus!

She’s the worst! She’s the worst in the world.

Wink! Rent A Swag! Where your swag is my business!

Jean Ralphio Quotes

Tom: Do you think there’s any chance your dad will give up?” Jean-Ralphio: “I doubt it, he never gives up on anything – except for my mom. When she turned thirty, he was like, ‘GET OOUT!’

Oh, yeah she’s my sister. My twin sister, from the same mister. Thank you so much for hiring Mona-Lisa. It means so much to me. Even though, honestly, she’s The wo-o-orst. She is the worst person in the world. Huge skank. Terrible. But thank you. It means a lot. Got to keep it in the family.

Aww, Snapple. Are we calling everybody “baby” now? ‘Cause honestly, I love that.

Why don’t you use that time to go after one of your passions. Like model trains, or toy Gandalfs or something.

Talk about Andy’s ex-girlfriends, quote from Love Actually, hold back your tears, pause…drop the microphone, get out of that bitch.

Tom: What about your trust fund? Jean Ralphio: My parents had it amended. I don’t get anything until I’m 50, which is a waste because I’m going to be a billionaire in Costa Rica by then. Eatin’ dolphin and hangin’ out with lady singers.

I made my money the old-fashioned way. I got run over by a Lexus!

Jean Ralphio Quotes

One time, I waited outside a woman’s house for five days just to show her how serious I was about wanting to drill her. Turns out, it was the wrong house. She loved the story anyway. We got to third base, over the pants.

Business partner now and forever. Hold up – Forever 21, 21 gun salute, Salute Your Shorts, Kaboosh! I just free associated all over the moo-stache.

No, no, no, Barney, c’mon. But you don’t have to be an accountant to know that this girl is a 10. Yo, what up, Diaz? Come here often?

Kuh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh bang! Which one floats your penis?

Flushed with CAAASH!

Why don’t you turn that frizzown upside-dizzity?

TOMMY T! You just missed the CRAZIEST of crazies. Clubs. Girls. Dancing. Naked—MOM?!?! Argument. Fleeing the scene. Hiding in a dumpster. Coming here. Crashing on your couch for a week ‘cause [sings] technically I’m homeless.

It’s like I always say, okay. When life gives you lemons you sell some of your grandma’s jewelry and you go clubbing.

I will create a tiny go-cart for your grandma.

Look at that. I guess sometimes I call men “beautiful” too. I guess I’m open-minded as hell. And I think you’re pretty good-looking.

I got a terminal case of get-me-to-the-front-of-the-line-at-Six-Flags!

I hope you brought a change of clothes, cuz your eyes are about to piss tears.

K to the N to the O P E, she’s the dopest little shorty in all Pawnee. Indiana.

Oh R to the O to the N, and then I say Swanson’s got swagger the size of Big Ben, clock.

B to the O to the double-S, do what he says and you’ll be success…ful.

Mona Lisa just has a way with her words.

Everything about this moment from his word choice to his car to Donna’s face.

Jean Ralphio Quotes

How to make the perfect marriage proposal.

A perfectly reasonable reaction for not being told that P. Diddy is now on the ‘gram.

Anytime Jean Ralphio sings his words instead of says them.

Once again, word choice on point.

Mona Lisa also has a penchant for singing her words.

She also loves fire. A little too much.

When Mona Lisa takes cursing to a whole new level of spelling it out.

Are we calling everyone baby now? Because I like that, baby.

Jean Ralphio Quotes

I actually forgot they ever dated. I was trying to hit that.

Tom: Sometimes, you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot.

I create a game show. Two people on stage. They flip a coin, right? One of them has to perform open heart surgery. The other one has to receive open heart surgery. We call it? ‘Open Heart Surgery!

Ben spends the first third of the episode describing his parents the way you and I would describe a natural disaster, warnings which turn out to be correct when they show up and almost ruin the engagement party. But the real standout is when he tries to prep Leslie on some conversation topics: “They’re white people from Minnesota, so hockey, skiing, fishing, sailing, and after a few drinks, put on a Prince album. Don’t mention the Green Bay Packers or the state of Iowa.

It’s short, subtle, and so understated you might miss it — Ron and Steve return to the buffet at the same time, only to find that there is just one bacon-wrapped shrimp left. What follows is a ludicrous contest of iron wills and furrowed brows. Not a word is spoken, and the scene ends without further mention, but it’s such a well-placed moment that it deserves the top honor.

What up, Big Teeeeeee…stop. This must be the lovely Donna. Enchanté. Listen beautiful, let’s cut the bull, alright? You want this. I definitely want this. T.H. wants this. Let’s seal this devil’s threeway right here, right now. Step one: We buy into this club. Step two: We roll over to the club, either in your Mercedes-Benz or my pre-owned Acura Legend. Step three: I dagger you on the dance floor. Just bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, now all the ladies sayin’, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. What do you say, sexy?

Jean-Ralpio: ‎’Why don’t you live your life like that cow on the screen.’Tom: ‘That’s a horse.’ Jean-Ralphio: ‘Yeah because he followed his dream.’

Jean Ralphio Quotes

Yo B to the O to the double S, do what he say and you’ll be success-ful o.

I hope you brought a change of clothes. Your eyes are about to piss tears.

Lemony Snicket. Oh, my God, are you serious? I’m gonna be an uncle? Is that a real thing? Is that gonna happen? No, no, that’s too much– too much responsibility for me. I gotta…I gotta find another way out of this.

For starters, access to the illest clubs. And that’s just for starters. I will work for you. I’ll be on you 24/7. I’ll be like your family. I’m here when you get here in the morning, sure enough, I’ll be there tucking you into bed at night. Don’t worry, it’s not gay. Do we have questions?

It wouldn’t be right to talk about last night’s episode without mentioning the Unity Quilt. As Leslie describes it, “Of all my metaphorical art projects, this is the coziest.” The Unity Quilt (replete with a small print of Leslie’s perennial celebrity crush, Joe Biden) became a running gag throughout the episode, primarily because Leslie is convinced that it will bring Ben’s parents together. She cites her track record as proof: